Balance of Power

"Never become so caught up in trying to control others that you lose control of yourself."

He knew the rules he was hired to enforce with his very life conflicted with his moral fiber yet he found it too difficult to resist the collective force of  adrenaline filled bodies moving like a dark cloud over the unwitting crowd. Every  cell in his body felt the inescapable urge to remove the heavy armor of his swat uniform weighing on his weary soul. The aggressive voice of his superior officer rang in his helmet ricocheting off the walls inside his cranium. The concerns for his own safety soon washed away in a sea of testosterone. "Everyone leave the premises immediately." he screamed with an authoritative tone at the peaceful protestors. Refusing to move the crowd maintained their stance fully aware of what would soon follow. As his fellow officers moved forward with a feeling of personal insult towards the crowds civil disobedience he experienced a sudden paralysis as he made eye contact with a young child who's cold stare penetrated his armor and his flesh burning his spirit. A this moment he reflected upon the conversation with his partner earlier that morning in which they both adamantly agreed with the plight of the people who they knew they would be placed in opposition to later that day. They both laughed at the irony of their conundrum expressing apparent dissatisfaction at the insufficient compensation for such a dangerous mission. Suddenly he snapped back into the present moment as his heart raced knowing he had to act immediately.  Wanting desperately to find relief from his current dilemma he moved forward dragging his legs as if he was walking through drying cement. Holding his shield tight he moved through the looming cloud of tear gas like a musician in a nostalgic video shoot. His body seemed to have a mind of its own as he followed the lead of his unit swinging his night stick at anyone who dared to have the courage to remain in the vicinity. As the smoke began to subside along with the tension of the conflict he saw a small body along the side of the street. He walked closer as he began to recognize the shadowy figure appearing lifeless along the curb. It couldn't be what it appeared to be he thought as it became clear it was the same child he made  eye contact with earlier. Suddenly an unexplainable feeling took hold of his being as he remembered seeing this child before but where he could not recall until it hit him like a wrecking ball striking an abandoned building. This was his son's friend laying there. He knelt down beside him and broke down internally as his partner walked over placing his hand on his shoulder. "A shame isn't it that these things must happen. If they just learned to follow orders." he said in a cold tone void of humanity.
   We all seek love, acceptance, appreciation, companionship and a sense of purpose. In the mundane world created by the collective mind of a society convinced of its lack of power most accept a mediocre version of themselves. The soul of the individual never truly accepts this deficiency of self value and seeks a greater influence on its surroundings. This urge is in direct conflict with the ingrained concept that this power is not inherent and thus can only be achieved by pulling from an external source. Everything seeks it's own internal balance as well as  a natural equilibrium with its environment. To this man is no exception unbeknownst to him. As humanity has lost awareness of its place in the grand scheme of things we have felt less significant. This lack of importance has resulted in irrational and senseless behavior as we search for self assurance in everything but where it can be truly found. Hunting and destroying to gain a sense of power that is never fulfilled by such means. Some seek dictatorship in personal relationships to compensate for what they are lacking inside. Others seek to climb the career ladder not to fulfill a sense of accomplishment and ambition but to look down on all who appear to be in positions of inferiority. Some seek to deplete the connection to natural resources to limit self sufficiency to increase dependency thereby feeding the insatiable appetite of a malnourished ego. Some beat and belittle their offspring to please their need to feel in power even to the point they discourage their greatest potential in fear of a future feeling of inferiority. This mentality on a smaller or larger scale leads to more imbalance, disease, violence and cruelty. This downward spiral must stop so I will tell you what has been kept secret from you. The power you seek has been hidden in the one place you were told never to look and that is within you. Self, confidence, esteem, and appreciation can only be given by the self. Encourage the greatest qualities in others and know that what they need and deserve is no different than what you seek. No one can take away your power. They can only convince you that you don't have any if you allow it. The only one you are given complete jurisdiction over is yourself. So become balanced within and  you will find balance without.